Wednesday, 3 August 2011

My Last Will and Testament

My stay-cation is awesome.  It's nice not to have to go to work.  Not to have to go anywhere, actually.  Like the old days when I was unmedicated and missing my marbles.  

Friday I was lazy but decided at the height of mosquito hour - 8:30pm - that it was a good time to mow the lawn.  But then I MAY have accidentally cut the electric mower extension cord in half.  Maybe.  It was one of those "wow, I'm awesome" moments that we can all be pretty proud of. 

Saturday Ma- and Pops-in-law came to see Hubby's concert.  It was great.  Except that Hubby sent me asked me to go to the mall to buy him some new shirts.  When I got home he quickly tried on - and quickly dismissed - every last one of them.  All five shirts.  Whatever.

Sunday was Twitter movie night, and it was awesome.  Except Johhny depp didn't join us.  Bummer.

Tuesday was supposed to be "return to the death coffin waterslide" day, but the weather wasn't nice enough.  So instead we went back to the mall and exchanged all of Hubby's shirts. 

Then I finally bought a bike helmet and we went on a 15 km bike ride along the river.  That's long for me.  Shut it.  Hubby later said that it was fun, but he won't be doing it again any time soon.  I loved it, but my back is nearly immobile today.  Pathetic wimpy back.  (It didn't help that some harmless after-biking garden weeding eventually became two and half hours of obsessive/compulsive gardening, trimming, raking, and generally green-thumbing all over my yard.)

After all of that, Hubby said his highlight of the day was me in the aisle at dirty Canadian Tire trying on numerous cheap (and of course too large) bike helmets with the tags hanging in my face and the helmet sliding off the back of my head.  Yeah, that was HILARIOUS.

Today was saved for a pedicure and lunch with my lovely pregnant friend.  Her fortune cookie said she was more influential than she knows.  True dat.  Mine said to be a teacher I have to be a student.  Fair play. 

All of this has been speckled with reading my book in my back yard, napping, laundering, and cuddling with my cats.  If the weather cooperates, I will attempt to conquer the death coffin waterslide again tomorrow.  It was nice knowing you all. 

I leave my new bike to Angela, my fuchsia x-trainers to Chick, and to Miss Sarcasm I leave all my cheese and my twitter account (so Jimmy Fallon can follow her too). I want Elle to have my wheelbarrow so she can return the favour.  (She knows what that means.)  And I think Theresa needs my "pool" for her "cottage", and maybe Carm needs all my underwear.

I love the rest of you, but I don't have any other cool stuff, so tell me what you want and I'll try to arrange it.

*This is not my real Will. Hubby gets everything. Maybe he'll honour this, and maybe he won't. You'll just have to wait and see.



  1. First let me say...I hope you have fun and live. I really, really do.

    But the fuchsia x-trainers?? For reals?? Then I would be the fuchsia-footed American princess!

    But still...don't die. I think if we watch enough movies, Johnny will eventually join us. You really don't want to miss that!

  2. I hope you make it.

    But, if you don't I look forward to adding your pool to my cottage.

    Please be "careful"

  3. No joke, Husband and I were just contemplating buying bikes in hopes of making our fat asses slightly less fat. It was meant to be. Also, I usually try to avoid things containing the words "death coffin," but that's just me.

  4. a. you'll live and have tons of fun.
    b. I'm glad you're enjoying your time off.
    c. thank you for including me in your will. Awesomeness!
    d. I don't even know how far 15 km is.

  5. jacqui - Plus? They're PINK!

    Theresa - "careful" Ha!

    Ang - I'm glad my imminent death is meant to be. Good news. :)

    Sarcasm - I thought you'd like having Jimmy Fallon as one of your followers. I think there are 2.3 kilometres in a mile. I think.

  6. So if I get your wheelbarrow, does that mean I also have to become a serial killer who buries body parts? If so then yay because then I'll start with Paris Hilton.

    I hope you survive the death coffin waterslide since I don't need a wheelbarrow that badly AND it would suck if I would never see you write dick pickle ever again. That's totally my new favorite saying.

  7. You need to get a goat so you can leave it to me.

  8. At least you'll die with soft, lovely feet. Lots of people have died with less. Can I be second in line for the fuschia trainers, in case something happens with Canada Post ;-)?

  9. Elle - Not necessarily. I thought you could just freak the guy out. Do onto others and all that...

    Laura - I actually thought of that! Serioussly. I did. And since I don't own George Clooney, I didn't know what else you'd want.

    Boaty - True. Of course you can. You can never trust Canada Post. I also thought maybe I'd leave you my half of the house so you can come stay here when you need a break from those 2 children you're about to have. I hear children are a lot of work.

  10. Wicked-Awesome!! I've already signed them up for daycare, but that's, like, 19 months away! I'll definitely need a break before then.

  11. I feel so honored, yet slightly disappointed that I am not being left the X-trainers. Ah well, c'est la vie or whatever that shit saying is. I'll make do with granny panties

  12. Sounds delightful.

    I took a stay-cation in Minneapolis two years ago. Did all the tourist-y things: Mall of America, Twins game, restaurants I don't normally think of...


  13. Carmen - I don't have granny panties! They're all very cute and sexy. You should consider yourself LUCKY. Ungrateful little snot.

    Pearl - It *has* been delightful. I think we should all do it sometimes.

  14. hahaha I absolutely love that you called me a snot.

  15. I thought you'd appreciate that. :) Shithead.