Monday, 8 August 2011

Somebody get me a baby. Immediately.

Hubby and I recently went to our friends J & M's house, and luckily for us, we got to visit with their 8 month old baby boy K.  

CUTEST EFFING BABY IN CANADA. 

This baby has the biggest happiest smile you've EVER seen (just like Papa J's) and the biggest brownest eyes of ALL time (just like Mama M's). 

When I started walking up the stairs into the living room, Baby K leaned out of Mama arms with that big smile spread across his face and reached out for me.  I kid you not, that child has NO idea who I am.  Not a damn clue.  And yet he was so excited to see me.  "Oh! Somebody new! Gimme!"  It was PRECIOUS. 

We played with Baby K on the floor, watching him try to walk and hearing all about how he's the nicest, most pleasant baby that has ever graced Gaga's green earth. 

So then I put him in my purse and took him home. 

Ok, not quite, but almost.  I did insist that I be allowed to babysit.  Well, I demanded it.  Whatever. 

Hubby agrees that the cuteness of Baby K is completely infectious, and I don't think he was even particularly opposed to me kidnapping the little guy.  But he swears he's not ready for kids yet.  And it couldn't hurt to get my own shit together first, too.  

So fine.  We're waiting.  And in the meantime I plan to steal and/or babysit all my friends' babies. 

Hubby, on the other hand, has a different plan.  He wants a dog, dammit.  He talks about it all the time.  Problem is, I'm not sure he really understands how much work is involved with a dog, nor does he appreciate how much I friggin hate them. 

But today Hubby spent some more time with Baby K, and guess what?  He admits that a baby might be just as good (if not better) than a dog.  He says he just needs a little minion - something to mold, influence, train.  Something to teach tricks to and play with. 

And then, immediately after we talked about having a baby and being excellent parents, our fat cat Patches started eating our dumb cat Tuxedo's food and Hubby proceeded to shout at the top of his man-voice lungs:

"PATCH!!!  PATCH!!!  PAAAAATCH!!!!!!"

And then he banged on the coffee table with the palm of his hand three times. 

BANG.  BANG BANG!

And then, and I am not exaggerating here, he shouted:

"I WILL BEAT YOU!"

And then he stood up and started to march over to Patches with that murderous stomp and evil glare mean old men have when they want to intimidate a child who is playing on their front lawn. 

At least Patches stopped eating Tux's food.  And at least I know my babies will be scared senseless into submission well-behaved. 



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14 comments:

  1. hahahaha... babies make great birth control but are also super cute and make your uterus scream for babies.. at least mine does.. damn clock!

    babysit a lot and it'll help stifle the urge to have one.. I have 2 nephews and I used to watch them ALL the time when they were little and still have them over now that they are pre-teens.. they are tons of fun.. AND the bonus is you get to spoil them without dealing with the consequences!

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  2. Spoiling without consequences is basically my middle name!

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  3. You should totally babysit your friends' kids. My sister started having kids years before I did. I visited and baby-sat her kids a lot over the few years, before we moved a billion miles away. It was great. I refer to them as my "practice" kids. At least I knew how to change a diaper by the time I brought my own babies home!

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  4. I have two beautiful big brown eyed children.

    Come over; they'll cure you of your baby lust LIKE THAT.

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  5. I go back and forth on this one. My niece and nephew are of course the most beautiful, wonderful, smartest kids in the U.S. And sometimes when I volunteer in the nursery at church, there's one baby who just wants to be rocked, and there's nothing like having a sleepy baby cuddle up with you. But then there are the times when my niece drops a monumental deuce and her onesie has to be cut off because it's just not salvageable. Or a kid in the nursery screams bloody murder for 75 minutes straight. Those are the times I'm happy I have a dog...

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  6. You can babysit one or both of mine (once they're born, obviously), but I would appreciate if N would allow them to continue eating Tuxedo's food, or anyone/thing else's food that they so please, because they're precious and perfect. Or will be.

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  7. Thing is, your hubs is on to something. That's the only way to deal with your kids too: bang on the table and yell "I will beat you!" Sometimes they will even acknowledges...sigh...gotta go...my 7 year old is running with scissors...I WILL BEAT YOU!

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  8. Literally loled at the "I WILL BEAT YOU!"

    I remember our cat coming into our room at an ungodly hour (years ago) and meowing at the top of his lungs. This was nothing new. Ryan sat up and shouted, "SHUT THE F*CK UP, YOU LITTLE F*CKER!" and I said, "We are never having kids, are we?"

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  9. I have no problem with his discipline methods whatsoever. Please have him come to my house immediately. I have three children who could use a beating right about now.....

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  10. Ang - Practice kids! I like that. Exccept I think Hubby is sort of my practice kid. Minus the diapers part.

    highlyirritable - ha! No way. I'm too far gone.

    Rachel - Yeah, the pooping is problematic, isn't it?

    Boaty - Well, aren;t we getting sentimental... Fine. They can eat Tuxedo's food. But good luck to them if they try to eat Hubby's.

    Sandra - Glad he could be of some assistance. He's not *totally* useless.

    Heather - Yes! That's exactly right! At some point Hubby and I will have to learn not to curse. Not today...

    Lizbeth - If only they weren't empty threats...

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  11. No question that my little girl is the most amazing kid and she makes my heart melt every. single. day. *but* with her going through these holy sh*t terrible twos, those are the times when I remember how just having a cat was pretty damn sweet. ;)

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  12. Hmm...a little Marianna or Hubby running around. That might be kinda cool. ;)

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  13. Mmmm babies are so delicious.

    They say the way you/partner treat animals is telling as to how you will parent a child.

    Can't wait to get my hands on a grandbaby, Jo

    (stupid blogger account won't let me log in)

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  14. Elle - Fair enough, I know bedtime and tantrums have been terrible lately. But she's jujst so damn cute!

    jacqui - Hopefully a mini ME. I'm cuter. ;)

    Jo - well, I let my cats get away with murder, so that's a good or bad sign? I think our parents would love a grandbaby too. (It did show up as Jo!)

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