Sunday, 21 August 2011

Silver lining

I'm feeling much better today. Your comments were such a relief - you helped pull me from the wreckage and back to reality.  Where I belong. 

I can't thank you enough. 

Today, refreshed, I know I need to be careful with myself.  Someone told me recently I had to wrap myself in bubble wrap.  And I effing HATED that he said that.  But it was - gulp -very true.  I need to take it easy.  I jumped in with too much at one time, and I didn't pay enough attention

So tomorrow I shall get back on track.  And in the meantime, I'll keep trying, and concentrating on the good.  My lovely and wise friend V told me today (with this post) that there is always a silver lining. 

And there is.  There are many, in fact.

First, in our ten years together, Hubby and I have never gotten along better than we do now.  Not that we tore each other's throats out on a regular basis or anything, but we communicate better these days.  We're gentler on each other.  And we're working on shit together.  Like a little team project.  It isn't perfect - and I'm no summer peach - but it feels good.

Second, being so frighteningly candid about this garbage has helped me (and others) to acknowledge that I am SO not the only one.  No matter how much stigma, no matter how much denial, we've all had a brush with tough times.  Everyone can relate to me in one way or another... Someone had to drop out of school for a semester because it was too difficult, or someone passed away and someone else was lost without them, or someones mother, father, sister, brother, had a bout of depression once.  The list goes on.  So what does that mean for me?  It means it's ok to talk about it. You can't shut me up, people.   

Finally, I feel like I can actually make progress.  I know the potential is there.  I CAN crawl out of this hole, and there WILL be people waiting for me at the top, willing me to succeed.  I feel liberated from myself.  I finally know what's wrong, and I can work toward fixing it.  I don't have to live in the dark anymore.  I can find peace. 

_

12 comments:

  1. This makes me so happy. I've been thinking about you so much and I'm glad you're concentrating on the positive in your life and how you CAN do this.

    And I know I wouldn't want you to shut up! Big hugs!

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  2. Aw, sweetie, I have been so terrible about keeping up with you lately. I'm so sorry. But know you are NEVER going through the bad times alone. I've had, and continue to have my battles with depression. Right there with you.

    So glad you are feeling better. You are one smart, funny, strong lady, and I love you.

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  3. So touched. And so impressed. As always. Unless it's something you need to do solo, would love to come with when you go "back to school shopping." Maybe we could get matching pencil cases : ) To new beginnings!

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  4. I'm so glad you're feeling a little better. I'm especially glad you're able to recognize what is good in your life. You are strong enough to deal with this, even if you don't always think so.

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  5. jacqui - Don't worry about me - I'll be ok. :)

    handflapper - Thank you my dear. If I can do it, so can you.

    V - To a fresh start!

    Ang - Thanks hon. xo

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  6. Oh Lord, and I left my computer for the weekend. I always think of having no words but in this case I do. What you're going through just plain sucks. I often tell myself there is crazy me and normal me and sometimes the little crazy me is in my body and the real me is looking down going, "Whoa, someone stop her." Sigh. It does get better. Only thing is the doctors don't tell you it takes time. Hang in there lady, I'm thinking of you.

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  7. Sorry to hear things are rough right now, but it will pass. You are not alone.

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  8. I'm glad you found your silver lining.. sometimes that can be the hardest part.

    I took a step forward today and called mental health to make an appointment with a counsellor to work towards a healthier me.. :D

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  9. Lizbeth - "whoa, someone stop her" is EXACTLY what it feels like. I know I'mbeing irrational, but I just can't seem to reconcile that fact.

    Flannery - Thanks :)

    Jaime - Oh, I am SO glad. I'm so happy you found the stregnth to take that step. It really is one of the harder parts. Good for you. Be proud of that. I'm glad I could help in that tiny way. Contact me any time. It WILL get better. I promise.

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  10. I saw this and went back and read your older post and all I can say is DIG YOUR HEELS IN.

    Some days, I get by with sheer stubbornness and the knowledge that it's just my turn to draw the crappy hand right now while someone else enjoys the aces.

    I'll get the aces next time.

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  11. hang in there, baby -- I'm not leaving this hole without you!

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  12. mamamash - Dig my heals in. I like that very much. Thanks. :)

    Hoody - Aw, thank you. That helps.

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