Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Unmitigated randomness

The other night I got up in the dark and SMASHED the top of my foot into my open bottom drawer.  And I now have a bruise, cut, and sore spot on the top of my left foot.  This afternoon I put on my cute little thong sandals to walk home from the bus stop and the top of my sandal was JAMMING into my injured foot.  EFFER.  So I took it off.  And I marched my ass home with one shoe on my right foot, and the other shoe in my left hand.  Classy.

I actually managed to get the eff out of bed this morning.  I tried something new.  For weeks (since I went back to work - part time, but still!) it takes me a good two hours to get up.  If not more.  Call me crazy.  Seriously, you can call me that, 'cause it's true.  Anyway, this morning I out-smarted myself (it isn't hard) and I took my damn time.  I sat on the deck with my friends Twitter, Toast, and Tea.  I still delayed work until the last. possible. moment.  But I embraced my denial about that fact, which overall I felt better about. 

My friend and I watched Gnomeo and Juliet last night.  Stupid little cartoon about gnomes.  I guess it had some cute parts, and I laughed a few times, but there is something DAMN CREEPY about gnomes.  DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GNOMES. In high school we used to steal them and place them on our friends' front porches with threatening notes attached.  Creepy. And when gnomes are sacrificing themselves in the name of Shakespearean love?  Even creepier.  

A young guy got on the bus today and sat next to me.  He looked like a construction worker or landscaper or something.  Dirty and sweaty and lacking sleeves.  I ignored him like I do everyone else.  But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him do something so awful that I just HAD to share it with y'all.  He slid his fingers into his armpit, and then, yes, he SMELLED THEM. He tried to be all stealth about it... FAIL.  For chrissakes I thought that was a bit on SNL. 



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9 comments:

  1. I can't wear thong sandals without at some point needing to remove at least 1 of them and walk around barefoot. Not going to comment on my ability to wear thong underwear...

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  2. Gnomes come alive at night. fact. consider yourself warned.

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  3. rofl. I hate taking the bus. Now I know why. However, stoplight adventures are just as great. er frightening. As for gnomes. Now I won't sleep. Thanks guys. damn it. Note to self, don't read Snappy Surprise at night and if you do avoid the comments at all cost. If I wasn't scared before I'm terrified now.

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  4. oh...this made me life...my daughter who is almost as "off color" as you...(she is 15) loves this character...."superstar!"

    thanks for the morning laugh

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  5. Angela - Oh, pleeeeaaaase comment on thong underwear!

    Sarcasm - Wow. Gnomes bring out the creep in everyone, apparently. Thanks?

    LACE - I often don't mind the bus, but it certainly is not ideal. Ha! Stoplight adventures! Why do people always think their car is an invisibility cloak?

    Pleemiller - Yay! You're very welcome! Thanks for the comment! xo

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  6. I can't tell you how happy I am to finally have permission to call you crazy! So, crazy, I'm really sorry you hurt your toe! I hate that. And I absolutely love superstar...I say that all the time but nobody gets it...superstar!

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  7. Gnomes are not creepy- they are mythical creatures who bring good fortune to your garden.

    I painted a ceramic gnome and keep him in my dining room. His name is Marcel and he has a thing for my snowman-lady. I do not think this is weird.

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  8. I gave a gnome to my nieghbor as a joke and she didn't get it. Now it stares at me every day from her back garden. Taunting me.

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  9. jacqui - Yes, permission granted! ut you can also call me Superstar. I'd like that too. It is also true.

    Elle P - Really? The consensus seems to be CREEPY. But I think my friend Handflapper would agree with you. Marcel? lol Why doesn't Snowman-lady have a name? Maybe Eliza.

    Lizbeth - Sorry, but that's you're own fault buddy. You should just steal it back. (PS - I LOVE your name - always have loved that name. Lucky you!)

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