To the old guy a few doors down:
I get that you're chatty.
I get that you're starving for attention and conversation because clearly your wife cannot stand you anymore.
But I don't need to hear about your new 6-foot satellite dish that you're having installed next to your other 5 satellite dishes. Especially when Hubby already spent an hour - yes and HOUR - hearing about them last winter when you cornered him at the end of our driveway.
We get it. You're a freak.
I'm also not really interested in the fact that you're one of the few "originals" on our street. That you know how many times each of the 12 houses has changed hands. One by one.
Or that you were here 30 years ago when the builder made a little mistake and you complained to the city because it just HAD to be fixed, and you made every neighbour pay a couple hundred bucks to have their back yards dug up, all so the pipe UNDER THE GROUND would be in the "correct" place 3 feet further north.
No, I don't really care about that.
And as friendly as you are, I don't need to hear "just one more thing" before I manage to escape inside. Even if it is that you're inviting us to your cottage this summer.
Will you be there? 'Cause I'd be glad to go, but only if you won't be there.
Oh, you WILL be there? And if I want to come, there are some rules? Well, let's here 'em.
Rule number one: No one shows up unannounced. It's not THAT kind of cottage.
Fair enough. I can't picture myself just showing up voluntarily anyway. No worries there.
Rule number two: If we call you, we have to let the phone ring a dozen times first. Like a test of commitment.
Oh, don't even start with me old man. I can out-ring you any. day. of. the. week. I was once the queen of radio call-in contests - I can ring with the best of them.
Rule number three: It's an island, so we can't be afraid of water. If we're afraid of water, than this cottage is NOT for us.
Oh! You got me there. The first two rules I could deal with, but that third one? That third one is a DOUZY.
I'll let you know if I ever recover from my terror, and we'll be there! (Announced ahead of time. Via a 12-ring telephone call.)
See you then!