Wednesday, 9 March 2011

At least cough up a bunny

Spring forward, Fall back. 

Exactly. 

The Spring springs us forward into a new year, a new mood, a new series of longer, sunnier days.  The Fall, on the other hand, sends us falling a slow death spiral into the abyss of Winter... Winter in Canada.

And yet, have you ever heard of something more effing backwards in your life?
 
I haven't. 

Spring is supposed to be a happy time.  A joyous time.  A time for blooming flowers, and chirping birds, and bunny rabbits. 

Forget the fact that Mother Effing Nature doesn't follow the goddam RULES -  that it is still effing SNOWING out.  That centimetre upon centimetre of that fluffy icy white shit is piling onto Ontario as we speak.  That there is more salt on the sidewalks right now - on March effing 9th - than ever.  And that if I ever do see the light of Spring again (and don't think I wouldn't settle for a simple mud puddle at this point), I'll go into such a state of shock that you'll have to peel me off the floor following my Southern-belle-style fainting fit.   

But what about the fact that "The Powers That Be" make me give up an hour of sleep.  Sleep!  They just take it.  Steal it from me and my family.  Assault my tender sensibilities and make me adjust all over again to depressing and impossible dark mornings.  Daylight savings, my ass. 

They just take the extra hour and do whoknowswhat with it.  Probably sell it to Donald Trump so he can make more money in a 25 hour day than most small countries do in a year.  Shouldn't they give it to someone who needs it?  Like mothers, or, um, orphans (?), or something? 

Sure, it'll be lighter outside in the evenings.  And don't think I don't love a 9pm sunset in June.  But what the eff, man.  I can't go back to dark mornings.  I can't.  I can't give up an hour of my precious slumber.  Please don't make me. 

Maybe I could do it if I was getting something in return.  Some sun.  Or some warmth.  Or a goddam bunny.  Something to make me feel like there was anything in this cruel, cold, dark world to look forward to.  Aside form shoveling and scraping off my car - as AWESOME as that can be. 

So don't forget to "spring" your clocks forward this weekend.  Maybe the extra hour can be sent to Mother Nature as some type of sacrifice.  An offering.  One "spring forward" hour in exchange for, oh, I don't know, SPRING. 

_

3 comments:

  1. Oh my god, you can also forget the fact that even our SHOVEL is done with Winter. It kicked the bucket today. Dammit.

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  2. I read this the other day but wasn't able to comment since my daughter was screaming bloody murder and having a tantrum. My brain seriously melts when she does that and I can barely even remember my own name. But now I have time to tell you I thought this was hilarious.

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  3. Thanks :)

    If this Winter doesn't let up I might scream bloody murder and have a tantrum myself!

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