Sunday, 18 September 2011

UPDATED: I'm an AWESOME cyclist

I was having a pretty good weekend. 

If you follow me on twitter you might know that 5 hours of my Saturday were spent on a MAJOR cleaning spree, the likes of which this house has NEVER seen in the three years that we've lived here.  And perhaps in its 25 years since it was built.  

I cleaned so much that I was actually sore this morning.  I cleaned so much that my cuticles are a disaster.  I cleaned so much that the top of my kitchen cabinets will NEVER mess with me again. 

As for today, I planned to make some progress in my Diversification Plan by going for a nice bike ride with my friend V.  It was a gorgeous day and it feels great to get out into the fresh air. 

So I went out and got myself some new gym pants and asked Hubby to load my lovely new bicycle into the back of his truck.  There I was happily sitting in the drivers seat of the red pickup, ready to trek out to V's new house and go for a ride by the river. 

Everything was going fine.  V may be an expert bicyclist, but she's very patient with my novice skills.  Needless to say, it was a leisurely trip. 

Until we got to the half-way point, when she asked if I wanted to actually get a work out at all.  Um. What has the last 30 minutes been?  But ok, sure, sounds good.  The next thing she said was worrisome. 

"Ok, so the hill is pretty big, so use your gears."


Well.  That douchebag of a hill can lick my ASS because I managed to make it to the top.  I almost died, and I still can't feel my legs, and I was about 10 minutes behind V but I still did it.

Don't congratulate me yet. 

Remember how this was only the half-way point? Yeah.  I had to ride all the way back. 

That was ok.  I made it through, and then V says: 

"Oh, you mind if we just ride a bit further to find a better way back?"


And we were about 5 minutes from home when it happened. 

Ok, so this might be a slight exaggeration.  Maybe.  But still. 


It turns out that there was a 4.1 earthquake here yesterday afternoon, so I was obviously knocked off my bike by the sheer force of the tremors.  For the record. 

Also, my crotch/ass bones hurt like you would NEVER BELIEVE.



  1. Looking at the pictures...I think I see the problem. Neither of you were holding on to the handlebars. I hope there wasn't all the horrible blood! Are you ok??

    When you're better, can I hire you to clean my house like it's never been cleaned before?

  2. damn.... you really have a knack for injuring yourself, eh? No wonder I like you so much!

    If you're anything like me... you've injured yourself so much that you now have a natural ability to heal quickly...

    or not and you're fucked.

    either way.. *healing vibes*

  3. You're hilarious. Seriously. Love the expression on my face when you fell! Thanks for a great afternoon, my dear.

  4. I am with Jacqui, I will so pay you to clean my place like it has never been cleaned before!

    Good for you for getting out and killing yourself . . .oops, I mean biking. I tried to kill my good friend yesterday by taking her on a walk/bootcamp but Little Miss decided to come along so we had to dial it back a bit.

  5. Sorry to laugh at your pain, but that was damn funny.

  6. BWAHHH!!!!!
    Awesome renderings.
    Come clean my house.
    I'll pay you with beer, snacks AND SNUGGLES!

  7. Look like we both had an awesome weekend! I managed to almost kill myself in the bath by hitting my head on the tub faucet. Who knew those things were sharp?? But I think jacqui has it right, you need to hold onto the handlebars otherwise bad things happen. I mean, look at me, I didn't hold onto any handlebars in the shower and look what happened? HUGE gash on my forehead. Ok, maybe more like a small scrape, but it hurts like a mofo. HANDLEBARS SAVE LIVES, girlfriend. Remember that shit!
    Also, feel better! <3

  8. OMG, I laughed so hard at your drawings- especially the severed leg in the last one. And then I read Jacqui's comment about the handle bars and I laughed even harder.

    So thank you for the laughs and I hope you and V threw your leg on ice so they could reattach it.

    Elle P

  9. *Sigh* I know your pain all too well...

    I seriously think I was meant to live in a padded room, and wear a bubble dome on the times I venture out.

    Glad to hear the cupboards will not be questioning your authority any time soon!

  10. jacqui - Lol! Well, V is skilled enough to forget the handlebars altogether. I should have known better. Yes, I"m fine. Just a few scrapes. Oh, and the severed leg.

    chemgirl - Oh, I'm a clumsy mess for sure. I'm already on teh mend!

    V- Thank YOU for trying to kill me. ;)

    Jenn - I abrely clean my own house, let alone ther peoples houses. Nice try. Your bootcamp shit would kill me too.

    Heather - Oh, be honest, you're not sorry at all! haha =)

    Sarcasm - Snuggles or SnuggIes? I want BOTH.

    Jo - Oh no! I have done that before and it hurts so much. Get some rest and wear a helmet from now on.

    Elle P - I'm glad you found some joy in my pain! Hubby reattached it for me when I got home - with a giant bandaid.

    Stephanie - Me too! I wish I had a bubble dome, actually. Not questioning my authority! Exactly! ha!

  11. Oh no! I consider any bike ride whatsoever a workout. Actually, Preschooler is learning to ride a bike and I consider walking behind her holding the seat to be a workout. What am I saying? I find just being out-of-doors to be a workout.

  12. I saw the word "Bike" and knew this had to be an awesome post.
    I feel your pain. Whenever I do ANYTHING athletic with Jex he makes me feel like a super noob and something like 'getting eaten by a ravenous bush' happens.
    I absolutely love the drawings. They make me happy.

  13. Ang - Yes! Anything out-of-doors is a workout. ctually, anything when I'm standing counts too.

    Ashes - Thank the gods I am not alone. =)

  14. V's hair makes my day. That is AWESOME. xo LB (Yes, I'm alive. Sort of. Talk to you again in a year.)

  15. Yes, M, I totally need a helmet. Pretty sad when you have to wear a helmet in the bath but what else can I do? I should prlly add knee and elbow pads while I'm at it... You know what? Never mind. The bubble dome is a fan-freakin-tastic idea, Stephanie. You should market that sh*t. After reading all the responses here I'm pretty sure you'd be a gazillionaire.

  16. Oh lord. You poor thing. I gave up on bikes years ago, after a spectacular crash that ended in me gouging a chunk of skin out of my kneecap. I go for WALKS now. There's usually a lot less falling down involved.


    (and also...with all the smarts people have now, how in the HELL has nobody invented a better bike seat that doesn't make you want to die the next day? PRIORITIES, people!! :P)

  17. The expressions you drew are priceless. I hope your ass is feeling better after the pounding it got. ;)

  18. LB - Yay! You're alive! You didn't thinkt he severed leg was the best part?

    Jo - Yes! Bubble dome! It would need foot holes though so I could walk. Which means I would just hurt my feet somehow. So maybe I should enclose my feet and get a wheelchair or something for mobility.

    Mel - I always say that to Hubby! That something or another has torn a chunk out of my skin - that there's a "hole in my hand" for exmaple. He never agrees.

  19. Elle - My ass is NOT feeling better, thankyouverymuch. Smartiepants.

  20. Note to self for Xmas list - biker shorts - the ones with the padding - for obvious (to you now) reasons.

    Good for you for taking Val's challenge.