Saturday, 3 December 2011

How do I get a personal shopper?

I used to love shopping for clothes.  From age 15 to 22 I worked at a denim store.  I got a wicked discount and I spent a significant percentage of my paycheque on clothing.  In high school I had 60-some-odd pairs of pants. 

60.

But as I got older, it got harder to justify the expenditure on all those clothes.  Especially after we bought a house.  Once we bought a house, our expenses jumped form increments of hundreds into increments of thousands.  A house will Thousand-dollar you to death

Shopping for clothing has also gotten trickier since I stopped exercising.  (Although I did go to Yoga the other night for the first time in months, but ended up wanting to punch the instructor in the throat.)

Anyway, I went shopping with my best friend last Saturday.  I had only one mission: A dress.  Hubby and I have a wedding to go to on December 17th, so I need a winter- AND wedding-appropriate dress.  Not black, but not slutty/slinky either.  And no flowers.  Flowers are for summer.  Of which IT IS NOT.

We went into LeChateau - tons of prom dresses and lots of jewel tones to choose from.  And of course, several intolerable little sales brats. 

I was about to enter the change room with a few dresses.  I asked one of the little brats to find me my size in another pretty one I'd spotted. 

Brat: Oh really? I dont' think you need that size.  You need a smaller one.

Me: Um, no.  My size please. 

Brat: Well, let me look at you.  *turns her head to the side*

Me: *stands there uncomfortably*  My size will be fine, thanks. 

Brat: I think the smaller one will work.

Me: *walking away toward the change room, hollering over my shoulder* No, my size please!

I started throwing on dresses (which of course all looked like shit) while my friend waited outside. And when the Brat brought me the final dress, what else would you expect?  The piece of crap didn't fit over my fat ass.  When I peeled it off, I looked at the size.  THE SMALLER ONE. 

THAT.  BITCH. 

So naturally, I freaked out and shouted over the wall. 

Me: I TOLD YOU I WANTED MY SIZE.  NOT THE SMALLER ONE.

Brat: Um... Ok, I'll get it off the manikin.

Me: NEVER MIND!  Tell her to never mind!

My friend: *clueless as to what is going on* Uh, she says to never mind...

Me: *storming out* Bringing me the smaller size just makes me feel like SHIT.  Thanks for that. *tears welling up*

Brat: *staring blankly*

I don't even know what to say about this.  It's shocking.  

Whatever.  I ended up finding a dress that was a fraction of the price.  It's cute and the salesgirl was quite friendly.  Which I guess means I win. 

But I don't feel like I won.  I feel like a fat pig (no matter how irrational that is - it's still a legitimate feeling) and I'm afraid that I'll never again enjoy shopping. 

Unless maybe I win the lottery and can have all my clothes delivered to my house.  Ooo, I would totally get a personal shopper.  Someone funny, friendly, and honest.  Someone KIND.  Someone I could trust. 

Will one of you gals be my personal shopper?

19 comments:

  1. If you find one, can you send her my way? I need one as well.

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  2. maybe we can all chip in and share her ... like a time share personal shopper.

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  3. Ohhh that's a good idea.

    I've resorted to shopping for clothes at Sams and Costco. How sad is that??? I have to get a dress for some work party for my husband and I'm freaking out. The last thing I want to shove myself into is a dress right now. And shave my legs. Uggghh.

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  4. Angie - No! Mine!


    jaime - Uh, yeah that'd be ok I guess. But i get first dibs.

    Lizbeth - I don't know what Sam's is but it sounds bad. And costco is terrible. I used to love getting dressed up. Now I just feel like a blob.

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  5. I need a personal shopper too! Shopping isn't nearly as fun as it used to be - I agree. And I need someone, not a salesperson making commission, to help me evaluate whether I should do an outfit!

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  6. Could this personal shopper also be a personal seamstress? Stuff off the rack never fits right. Oh, and a style guru too? In fact, upon reflection I think what we all really need are entourages . . . or fairy god mammas :) M, your text the other day telling me I was pretty was awesome. Not to dismiss your frustration (I can relate), but hopefully I can return the favour a bit by telling you that you are one of the most beautiful women I know. Like, sometimes I catch myself staring at your georgossity beautiful. For reals.

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  7. I'm glad you found a dress and didn't have to buy it from the brat who doesn't listen. I always start feeling this way if I stop exercising for awhile. And I really don't like it, which is why I always start exercising again.

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  8. I have decided to buy all my clothes from Goodwill since my new Post-Pancreas diet appears to have turned me into the Incredible Shrinking Woman... the plus of the Goodwill is that the clerks don't care and nothing costs more than $10.

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  9. Missy - Exactly! Not nearly as much fun as when we were young, eh?

    v - I know, nothing EVER fits right. You're so sweet. Thanks. :)

    jacqui - Yeah yeah, I'll start again. I do want to feel better. And I have to go on a beach vacation in january, so I better get my butt in gear.

    hoody - I find that it doesn't really matter *how* my body changes, just that if it does, it takes so long for my brain to catch up with my memory of what I used to look like. It also sucks when the change it somewhat out of my control (like with Depression, for example!) Goodwill is a good though - at least there are no brats there. ;)

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  10. I HATE shopping . . . I am already depressed I don't need to make it worse.

    I exercise and yet I pretty much always end up in tears in the change room. I have a larger lower body and todays styles just look horrible on me.

    I am so sorry that you had such a shitty salesgirl. Don't let that little brat drag you down! You are amazing and strong and I am certain that the dress that you found will look just beautiful on you.

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  11. You've just gone over all the reasons why I no longer like clothes shopping. It just ends up making me feel very very sad.

    Glad you were able to find something that worked for you :)

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  12. So if she has to get your size off the mannequin you are still tiny, I haven't worn mannequin size in about 10 years.

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  13. Fox - I know! Thanks hon. Dresses used to be fun :(

    Ang - Exactly. It mostly works. Not perfect, but I'm generalyl satisfied.

    Madge - It wasn't really about the size; it was about how I *feel* trying it on.

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  14. I hate feeling unhappy with my body, esp in a dressing room in a store. I'm glad you found a dress!

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  15. Paula - Right? So brutal. Thanks - I like it well enough I guess :)

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  16. I refuse to go clothes shopping unless I absolutely, positively, CANNOT put it off any longer. The part that depresses me the most is that there's ALWAYS a difference in sizes from one company to the next, so even though you might wear, say, a 16 in this store, in the next one you might end up with a 14 or an 18. It's impossible. And half the clothes out there are, I swear to God, made for a life-size, proportionally accurate Barbie doll. And don't even get me started on bra shopping...

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  17. Mel - It's the proportion that is a problem for me too. Unless, in addition to the personal shopper, I could also afford a personal designer, stylist, and tailor, I will never be satisified with how clothes fit.

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  18. I've given up on dresses. Started wearing skirts instead and as a bonus, if you get them long enough you can wear knee highs instead of pantyhose ;-)

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  19. Susie - I love skirts. Way easier to find one I like than a dress.

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