Thursday, 27 October 2011

There are so many effing things wrong with this

I've been driving to work more often lately, rather than taking the bus, since mornings are such giant assholes.  Driving takes less time if I make sure to leave after rush hour, which I can pretty much guarantee, since mornings are such giant assholes. 

I don't even have to pay for parking because nobody makes me.  I never seem to get a ticket.  I do repeatedly get "warnings" but this never translates into actually requiring anything from me, so why in the hell would I ever feel threatened?

The tricky part is that arriving so late to work means that most of the parking spaces are already occupied. But that doesn't really matter either, given that most people just park on the edges of the rows and in the corners anyway.  It's a gravel parking lot - there are no pretty yellow lines or anything. 

But then tonight I was walking to my car and explaining all of this to my boss (who was carrying my huge-ass pumpkin).  "No I don't pay. Yes, they give me warnings. No they never give me tickets."

And then we saw something on my wind shied from the distance, which I assumed was another warning.

Well.  It wasn't. 

A napkin?  Really? 

And I wasn't even blocking anybody! Why are people so uptight?

So, in response, I wrote the following open napkin note to my anonymous office-mate.



  1. wtf dude... who made that douche canoe the fucking parking police?? what the hell do they care if you aren't parked in a spot.. especially if it's not affecting them?


    you should post that note to the rants and raves on craiglist.

  2. Have I told you lately that I love you . . . because I totally do!! Seriously, what the hell with that note?! Asshat.

  3. Three comments. (a) I can see you're coming around to my anti-multi exclamation point except in very special cases point of view. Yes! (2) I got a parking ticket, like, the first time I didn't pay. Napkin note ninja issues aside, I am jealous of your good parking karma. (iii) Les matins, ils sont horribles. Je comprends. Mais, je suis certaine qui'un jour ils deviendront plus faciles pour toi. Courage, mon amie. Courage.

  4. middle child - Right?!

    chemgirl - I wasn't in anyone's way. They may have had to reverse out of their spot carefully, but there was plenty of room. And what about all the other cars not parked in real spots?! Wanks is right.

    Fox - Yes! Asshat! Exactly.

    v - Exclamation points are nasty. Even the same sentence with a question mark at the end would have been nicer. Since they switched parking companies I never get a ticket. Oui, c'est possible, mais je pense que je lutterai pour ma vie entire.

    teri - i wish I actually knew who to give it to.

  5. Awesome retort! It didn't block any one in, so why do they care?!

  6. You are TOO funny!! That shit deserves to go on passive aggressive notes .com. All one word of course. A GREAT website!

  7. my fave word is "Douche Wagon!" When our driveway was being done I parked on a side street. The next morning I went to the van and saw a note. Don't park on the grass. Yeah, 1 tire is parking on the grass? Obviously I didn't notice. I totally should have turned on to their grass and sat there for a bit and showed them what parking on the grass is. I was just too gobsmacked by the note to think of anything good. (didn't park in front of my house because we have a fire hydrant on our property) Not that anyone else cares. Anyhoo. who really does that? like really.

  8. That's right, scare 'em right back with a novel!!!!!! You WIN!

  9. Oh my god. People and their stupid notes...if there's no lines or actual spaces, anything goes! lol

  10. Passive Agressive note make me laugh!

  11. I love your open napkins. I can't believe the stupid note writer thought it was so important to be a stupid note writer that he/she would write the stupid note on a napkin. You have to be super dedicated to being a stupid note writer to do that.

  12. Wow, I thought only retirees had time to write stupid noteson cars they think may be parked incorrectly - let alone respond to them! Seems you've got some of your fighting spirit back - good for you!

    Nearing the end of the "no parking on city streets Nov30th to March 31st in home town, Mr. got a ticket for parking his car on thecul de sac in front of the house with the "wrong" wheels facing thecurb. So, next night he parked in front of the house with the"correct" wheels facing the curb and woke up to find another ticket -for parking on the street before March 31st!!!!!! (this was an effin' issueworthy of those damn exclamation marks especially since all the snow hadalready melted and there was none in the forecast in the future - aagh - stupidcity meter people.

  13. Ang - Only a crazy person would care! Crazier than me, obviously.

    Sarcasm - I know! I love that website. I check it often.

    LACE - Ha! I very much wish that you drove up onto their lawn. Very very much.

    Carmen - Oh. I ALWAYS win.

    Mel - Yes! Anything goes! Exactly.

    Ashes - I'm glad my misery is entertaining for you. ;)

    jacqui - I'm so glad you understand. What a joke.

    Momma - I know! Your metremaids are IDIOTS. Poor Mr.

  14. Douche Canoe- LMAO!!!

    Seriously, people need to get a LIFE. Your response rocks.

  15. So this is the first time I've been here. I like it here, and I plan on sticking around if that's cool with you?

  16. I would LOVE that! Thanks for coming by!