This morning I came downstairs with a babushka towel on my head, wearing my bath robe (aka house coat). I was serving myself a cute little bowl of yogurt when Hubby pointed out that there was a random guy outside.
Some ass bucket had backed his pickup truck into our driveway and was digging through our post-party recycling boxes to thieve our discarded bottles and cans.
Now, in theory, this doesn't bother me. In theory, if people want to get up early and rummage around through other people's trash, well, all the power to them.
But in practice? In practice, people are idiots and they need to stay the fuck away from my house.
I know, I know. I should just return the bottles to the store myself. And if I'm not going to benefit from the bottle money, that someone else probably should.
But I also know that the 3 measly dollars garnered by 1000 sticky beer bottles is not at all worth the headache of sorting and loading the damn things, let alone driving them around town.
I also know that people are idiots and they need to stay the fuck away from my house.
So, I put on my best "don't think I won't punch you" facial expression and boldly marched outside to ask the shithead if he was serious, if this was really necessary, and, of course, could he stop being an idiot and kindly stay the fuck away from my house.
Buddy wandered off, and Hubby started ranting that we were certainly, thanks to me, going to get shot - or robbed - or egged - at some point in the near future.
But then, not FIVE MINUTES LATER, when Hubby went out to his car and there was ANOTHER wannabe-hobo with his fucking minivan backed up to our driveway... Well, needless to say, Hubby wasn't tolerating it any more than I was.
I'm not sure what Hubby said to Idiot Number 2, but I suspect it was something along the lines of "Stay the fuck away from my house. Please." Because Hubby's polite.
You guys. This CANNOT be an unreasonable expectation. I don't think it's absurd to want strangers to stay the fuck away from my house. My quiet little street doesn't need them here, and I certainly don't need them scavenging through my stuff.
This is a disturbing new trend. It's unseemly. It's annoying. It's unnecessary. And I will not hesitate to go marching out there every goddam week if I have to until these idiots get the hint.