Monday, 17 September 2012

Ever been drunk before? I bet you have.

Have you ever gone to bed at 2:30am totally wham-shammered a little bit tipsy, only to find that you took the sheets off earlier that day and forgot to replace them before drinking several glasses of red wine throughout the evening?

No?

Well, good on ya, because it's tricky making the bed under those circumstances.  Trust me. 

First of all, you have to pick all the matching pillowcases of the right sizes and shapes. Then you have to struggle with that damn fitted sheet, which means you may or may not end up stumbling and falling face-first into the mattress.  Repeatedly. Probably. 

Also?  All those duvet cover buttons are fucking difficult. 

So what led to this disaster, you might be wondering?

Hubby's buddy, known around here as Larry (as in: Larry, Hubby, and Moe), came for a visit with his adorable and hilarious - and very wine-generous - girlfriend.  Let's call her Shemp. 

Shemp brought the red wine, and then when that ran out, Hubby miraculously found a couple more bottles. Before we knew it: I was winning at Taboo; Hubby was throwing Taboo cards across the room; Shemp was suggesting we play Apples to Apples instead; Hubby was spilling red wine on the carpet; Shemp was grinding a salt shaker all over the stain; Larry was showing off the speckled reddish purple spots on his socks; Shemp was vacuuming up the salt; and I was eating stuffed crust pizza. 

And then, THEN, is when things took a turn for the better.  Because that's when, my dear friends, my favourite activity of all time took place.

Late night living room dance party, y'all. 

Which if you've ever read my bio, you know is truly the best thing that could ever happen.

Now.  You'd think that all that jumping and hopping and singing and running and moon-walking and sock-sliding would somehow reduce the effects of the red wine... but I think it has the opposite effect.  Like, somehow, it gets your blood pumping rapidly so all the alcohol goes coursing through your veins even faster than it normally would.  Or something. 

So by the time 2:30 came around, and the last song had been played (BeyoncĂ©, If I Were a Boy - DUH), finding the bed unmade was a matter worth shouting and complaining about.  I nearly stole Larry and Shemp's guest bed. 

That said, it's been a while since I've laughed so hard at Hubby, so at least there's that. 

22 comments:

  1. I wouldn't have bothered with the sheets!

    It sounds like you had a fun night. It has been a long time since I went to bed tipsy.

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    1. Funny. I hate sleeping without sheets. Never even occurred to me to leave them I'm a loser.

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    2. I would've thrown down a blanket and used only one pillow case on one pillow for the night ;-) Although I also understand not wanting to leave them. Making the bed when you're tipsy is HARD.

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    3. But then our drunken drool would get all over the mattress! And the duvet is no good without a cover. I need my sheets. Like i said. I'm a loser. ha!

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  2. Hey - I gotta give you credit for putting on the sheets in your condition. I would have gone to bed on the sidewalk before I would attempt the shit-faced sheet challenge!

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    1. Part of me wanted to knock on the neighbours' door and ask to sleep there!

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  3. Awesome! We were up till 2:30 saturday too, and we have a kareoke machine! YIKES!
    Devan

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    1. Ps, your profile doesn't show a blog? Do you have one? Or perhaps you're on the twitter!

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    2. I don't blog, I just read blogs. :) I am on twitter, but I never get on twitter. I will go on and locate you. :)
      Devan

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  4. "Sheets?" What are these "sheets" you speak of?

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    1. What? Bedding? What's a bed? I sleep curled up in a ball on the floor...

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  5. Sounds like when my friends and I get together to play board games ;-)

    Another option for the sheet conundrum: I have also selected the "Damn. No sheets on the bed. My couch is waaaay comfy" option in the past. Although that usually leads to waking up at 5 in the morning and trudging to bed only to have the no-sheet disappointment happen all over again.

    And living room dance parties are one of my favorite things too! We usually have Michael Jackson dance parties at that time of night, but Beyonce is good too.

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    1. I have been known to fall asleep on the couch, but my giant perfect king size bed is preferable, for sure.

      Living room dance parties are amazing. We host them regularly!

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  6. I would have never put on sheets.. I'd have pry dropped them on the floor, bent over to pick them up, passed out in the heap, and woke up on the floor freezing to death.

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    1. That is hilarious. I'm surprised that didn't happen to us. lol

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  7. See I already fall face first into the bed when trying to put the fitted sheet on (because my mattress is on the floor) so I probably wouldn't notice a difference... except the weird vertigo of changing the elevation of my skull. Then I would probably giggle and smash my face into the bed on purpose. Did I mention that I turn 5 when I'm drunk? lol
    I'm going to have to try tipsy Apples to Apples, sounds like a blast.

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    1. I might tend to fall too. Maybe.

      And then I get annoyed with Hubby who is always overly amazed by the big tent air bubble that forms under the fitted sheet... apparently he's also 5 ;)

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  8. living room dance parties are a must ...and drunk apples to apples is amazeballs.

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  9. hahaha love it, happened to me once (the unmade bed) so i just went and slept on the couch, seemed like a good idea at that moment. BTW apples to apples is an awesome game.

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    1. I love that game! We play it often. I like to make random weird choices.

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