Monday, 9 April 2012

I had a run-in with a grumpy old bitch in the grocery store


On Saturday morning Hubby and I were planning to leave for Hometown at about 10am.  We got up in time, did some laundry, wrapped some gifts, packed some bags, and tried to set up the auto-feeder for the kitties. 

Well, of course, the effing thing wasn't working.  We tried changing the battery, but it was apparently the motor that had failed.  So Hubby took off to Canadian Tire, Walmart, and Petsmart looking for a replacement, leaving time for me to hit the grocery store to pick up pancake fixins for brunch at Momma's on Sunday morning. 

Who's been to the grocery store on Easter Saturday? Anyone? Bueller?  If you have, you know what an asshole it is.  The trick is, you have to go in knowing what to expect, and to just ignore everyone.  But I was already low on tolerance and high on attitude, so a run-in was entirely bound to happen. 

After angrily driving around the crammed parking lot, with no lack of honking and cursing, I finally found a decent spot and rushed into the store.  I was on a mission:  pancake mix and frozen berries.  That was it.  Two targets; one large friggin obstacle course. 

It started out well.  I swooped in between all the idiots who don't know which door to enter or exit, deaked in between everyone in the produce section, slid between carts and aisles, with my eye on the PRIZE. 

Once I got to the cash registers I realized how bad this was going to be.  It was PACKED.  People and carts and baskets loaded up and jamming the whole front half of the store.  No discernible lines, all one giant jumble of morons lingering and getting in my way. 

I managed to get over to the far right side, with my two items in hand, ready to line up in the express lane. 

Now.  I may have been low on tolerance and high on attitude, but I was holding it together.  It was Easter Saturday.  Everyone was miserable.  I can be patient. 

So I stood in the pool of people waiting for the express cashiers, and that's when it happened.  The poor old bat.  She had no idea what she was in for. 

Grumpy Old Lady: Excuse me.  Excuse me, which line are you in?

Me: Uh, whichever one opens up first. 

You see, there were a lot of people milling about, and I much prefer to just let people who were there before me go ahead, relying on others' honesty and logic to ensure that I will get to pay as soon as my turn comes up.  I'm a big fan of the "first come, first served" approach when the physical set-up of the registers appropriately allows for it.  It's CIVILIZED, people. 

Grumpy Old Lady:  Well, I think you're going to have to pick a line.

Me: Um, no.  I thought we could just rely on the honour system to ensure that people who were here first will get to pay first.  Maybe YOU should pick a line.  (As I let another gal in front of me go, BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE FIRST.)

Grumpy Old Lady:  Well, that guy just butt in line, so...

Me: So go talk to that guy. 

Grumpy Old Bitch:  You have to pick a line. 

Me:  I'm not in a rush.  I don't know about you...

Bitch:  Well, I am in a rush. 

Me:  Then maybe you shouldn't have come here on Easter Saturday. 

Bitch:  ...

Me:  And Happy Easter! 

I think she wandered off and picked a line.  Simple solution, really.  Nutjob. 

23 comments:

  1. Thank you!! I had a similar run-in, if you'll recall, with several people on CANADA DAY on PARLIAMENT HILL with WILL + F'ING KATE who were SHOCKED that it was rammed. Seriously - what is wrong with people? xo LB

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do recall! People are MORONS. Have some damn sense. Idiots.

      Delete
  2. Fortunately (or not, depending on how you look at it), I couldn't sleep Friday night/Satuday morning, so I was up super early. I wanted to run to Walmart to get a book for a friend's son, so since I was up, I hit Walmart before the gym. Best decision EVER. In and out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. I would never be up early enough for that. Lucky you.

      Delete
  3. You have more self control than I. I would have clocked her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, she was fishin for a shin-kickin. That's for sure.

      Delete
  4. Wow. Remind me never to go to the store on Easter Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why? Because you might run into a Lunatic who refuses to pick a line and then gives you attitude?

      Delete
  5. Loved how she went from grumpy old lady to bitch. I really hate people like her.

    ReplyDelete
  6. At least she didn't try to cut in line ahead of you...people have died for lesser reasons, I swear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true. I was trying to be nice, I just had no tolerance for her attitude!

      Delete
  7. I fucking HATE grocery stores for this reason.. people don't know how to act... they get overly bitchy for no fucking reason.. don't know how to use the self check-out machines.. can't count for the express lanes and HOG THE AISLES!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! I know! I mostly just wish people would lighten up. It isn't life or death.

      Delete
  8. The holidays sure do bring out the best in people....*snort*. I love how she went from grumpy old lady to grumpy old bitch and then just bitch. Nicely done Obi Wan. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I she blogs she probably calling me a snotty liberal!

      Delete
  9. How did you NOT shank that bitch? What would Jesus do, you mean ol' bag!?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so proud of you (and in awe of you) for saying that! Woo hoo! I would have just grumbled about her and bitched her out in my head. You are my hero.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I says what's on my minds! I wish she'd just have lightened up a bit.

      Delete
  11. You're hilarious, I love that you actually told this to an old lady haha.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, gosh. It sounds almost as bad as making a last-minute shopping sprint Thanksgiving Thursday. Geez, what a rude old lady!

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete