In keeping with our recent theme (optimistic pickle shit), this entry covers the third and final voter-preferred topic of discussion: unicorns. (Which, based on my opinion alone, will heretofore be known as unihorns, because it makes more sense that way.)
So far we've determined the following: Lollipops = delish. Rainbows = gorgeous. But what about unihorns? Well... unihorns = freaky.
Sorry. I know unihorns are supposed to be mystical, and merry, and lucky, and pretty, and all that jazz. But really, they’re just plain freaky.
Consider all the other mythical creatures you can think of. They’re almost always half one thing and half something else. Isn’t there a half-person, half-horse? And mermaids. Half-woman, half-fish. You cannot tell me that mermaids are not friggin cree-py.
Unihorns are better than that, I guess. At least unihorns are not cross-bread with humans. And at least they can fly, can’t they? Flying is a nice upside.
However… they do have a HORN growing out of their head, which kind of negates the other stuff. Can you think of any animal with a horn that is not threatening and weird? Rhinos are apparently pretty vicious. Dinosaurs too.
Sorry. There’s really no way around it… a cross-breed of a horse and a rhinoceros is downright nuts. I don’t care what you say - I just can't see the good side of a Rhinocorn.