Sunday, 24 March 2013

Hubby should never leave me to my own devices

Hubby is working today (yes, on a SUNDAY) so I'm all alone to entertain myself and/or accomplish things.  I wouldn't be so worried about the accomplish-things part, except that this tiny human is coming in, like, three months and oh my god there is so much to do.

We went to Ikea last night to purchase some I-need-this-or-I-will-be-a-bad-mother items, including: some shelves, some picture frames, and a stupid little white end table to sit next to the rocking chair so that I have a place to set my wine bottle while I'm breastfeeding.  

As I'm sure you can imagine, Ikea usually means Hubby has some work to do.

But Hubby's not here.  He has basically abandoned me to raise this poor child all on my own.

Or he's away for a few hours.  Whichever.

In any case, at 10:00 this morning I decided I could probably put the little table together myself.  This is how it went:

10:00
This doesn't look so bad.  Just one little box.

10:01
DAMMIT BOX OPEN.  OOOPPPEEENNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnn

10:02
Oh, much easier with scissors.

10:03
Only a table top, three legs, a few screws?  I can do this.

10:04
Oh my god these legs are all wonky.  Which way is up?  Why does the picture show TWO screw holes.  There is only ONE.  Oh.  There's the other one.

10:05
Ok Tuxedo, not a toy.  Also, not even safe.  Like, you're seriously gonna get hurt.  These big metal poles are flailing around like nobody's business.



10:10
Fuck this.  FUCK YOU THREE WONKY LEGS AND A MILLION GODDAM SCREWS.

10:11
Oh.  It goes like that.

10:22
My hands smell like metal.

10:23
DAMMIT TUXEDO.

10:31
This doesn't fit.  This.  Doesn't.  Fit.  THISDOESN'TFIT.

10:32
OUCH MY HAND.

10:34
*Starts crying*

10:40
Perfect! Those screws don't have to be tight.  Hubby'll fix it.

10:44
Nap time!

 

15 comments:

  1. That is how it goes in my house as well!

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  2. hahahaha... you're gonna be a great mom.

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    1. PS your link here in your comment doesn't take me to your blog :(

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  3. Not to cause panic, but that table looks giant. And, um, you're pretty wee.

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    1. Nah, it's just an end table. I'm less wee these days. Less mobile and less strong too, but more on the "holy she's getting big" side.

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  4. Ha! That's how it is in my house! Except, my husband and I have reversed those roles. He does the cursing and the yelling and I figure out how to tighten the screws. I put together the desk, the dresser, the younger son's train table... It's my hidden superpower.

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    1. Good for you! I get frustrated. Plus Hubby usually likes doing it, so I'm happy to let him.

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  5. "to sit next to the rocking chair so that I have a place to set my wine bottle while I'm breastfeeding"

    And this is when I decided I liked you and wanted to follow your blog forever.

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  6. Hahahaha, love the wine comment. Swear to Jebus the only thing I am looking forward to in the delivery room is the champagne after this little baby is outta me.

    Man, I miss you wine.

    This was good. I like the patience and attention span. You got waaaay further than I ever would have!!

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  7. You're super handy at furniture building.
    Next time I expect to see a hand carved table whittled out of wood.
    It'll probably go pretty smooth.....

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    1. i think we all know I would be an excellent table carver.

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