Thursday, 14 March 2013

Things that should be available to me in my everyday life

I find my life is not as easy as it could be.  This is a problem because I am lazy.  Here are my demands:

1) My tv remote should sound an alarm when it's missing.  Like, I should push a button on my fridge and then the remote will start beeping and then I just follow the beep and then I change channels at will.

2) My front door should be able to lock and unlock with my car lock clicker.

3) MY CAR SHOULD HAVE AN AUTO STARTER.  WHAT CENTURY IS THIS?

4) My cats should feed themselves.

5) My DVR should have Siri.  "Siri, record every episode of Grey's Anatomy no matter what channel it's on, no matter what time, no matter what. And then play it on my bathroom mirror while I'm in the shower."

6) My bathtub drain should have an automatic "garborate the hair" setting.

7) My cats should scoop their own poop.

8) My couch should convert to a massage table.  And my Hubby should convert to a masseuse.

9) My house should have a laundry chute.  Why don't houses have laundry chutes anymore?

10) My house should have a chef.  And a butler.  And a maid.  And a masseuse (see above).  If you could pick one of these, which would it be? I'd pick chef.  And butler.  And maid.  And of course masseuse.


9 comments:

  1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of being able to talk to your DVR and telling it what to record. Why don't we have this already?? Trying to program recording is a fucking pain in the ass.

    Cars do have auto-starters... you just have to buy one and have it installed. I think it's around $250 (or something)

    Your hubby should be a masseuse while you are pregnant... and basically do all those other things too... fuck, I have a feeling my bf is going to hate me when I'm preggers.

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    1. If I could talk to my DVR I probably wouldn't talk to anyone else!

      I was being factious about the car starter :). I know. My car is too old to invest in and it's way more expensive for a manual transition. Hubby has one and I resent him for it!

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    2. Oh yes. Hubby has been so patient and supportive. Sure, he hates *my* guts, but he loves his daughter enough to put up with me! Ha!

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  2. A psychic. And a pool boy, for the POOL (that takes care of itself).

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  3. I'd like a pool boy. Well yeah, and I guess I'd need a pool too, right?
    I do, at least, have a laundry chute. My house is over 110 years old.

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    1. Oh neat! I'd like a modern one that sorts by colour and chutes upward too!

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  4. Too funny. I just said to the hubs about 2 weeks ago that laundry is bullshit and I need a chute. We have high ceilings in this house and the washer and dryer are in the basement. TWO HUGE friggin' flights of stairs to carry all the laundry up and down.

    I've taken to tossing what I can over the railing to the the main floor, a homemade chute, but I have to be careful.

    So... hells yeah to the masseuse and laundry chute. I'd also like automatic light-blocking blinds that make it seem like night at any time. When I want to sleep, light ruins everything!

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    1. funny because we actually moved our laundry machines from the main floor to the basement. I'm not a tidy launderer. I spread everything out, throw it everywhere, etc. I need a whole giant room!

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