Friday, 1 October 2010

Sleeping Hubby

Hubby can't sleep.  Well, not so much that he can't, more that he chooses not to.  Ok, no, that's not quite right either.  He goes to sleep, he just doesn't stay there. 

Allow me to explain.

I can sleep through near anything.  I tune things out.  I avoid engaging in conversation.  I cling to my slumber. 

Hubby, on the other hand, has a habit of emerging from sleep at every opportunity and disturbing me in the process. 

The other night it was Hubby's birthday (happy birthday Hubby!), so I, of course, hung balloons.  (You have to have balloons on your birthday.)  When we were going to bed, I thought he should enjoy his balloons for one more day, so I tied them to his bed-side lamp. 

Well, apparently the wind from his window was blowing the (two) balloons "all over".  Hubby jumped up in a huff and basically tore the balloons down, throwing them into the closet.  Emotional outburst.  

A few hours later I was yet again disturbed.  My window isn't easy to latch, so I don't latch it.  I guess it was windy and my window was creaking - which was an unbearable disturbance for Hubby.  I guess I could hear it too, but I'll ignore a problem for hours in a semi-sleep before I'll pull myself entirely out of my slumber to resolve it.  

Anyway, I eventually opened my eyes to a sound next to my head, and was terrified to see a creepy guy in his underwear leaning over my bedside table.  Hubby.  Closing the window.  Emotional outburst number two.

Now, let's be clear:  This process only occurs throughout the night.  In the morning, Hubby is an entirely different person.  In the morning, I am the devil, and sunlight is my minion.  Or vice versa.  I'm not sure.  In any case, Hubby will get up and pull a sock off the floor (clean or dirty, whatever's closest) and place it over his eyes.  From there, he will bury his head in the covers and moan and groan every time I come near him, or speak to him, or (god forbid) turn on a light.  He's like a 6-year-old.  I'm just waiting for the obligatory temper tantrum.  

I'm not an angel in my sleep either.  But I'm not insane.  That's the difference.  I'm logical.  For example, he mustn't dare talk to me just as I'm falling asleep - he'll be lucky to survive that.  And he'd better check for spiders when I wake up and am SURE that I just saw one behind the dresser.  That's just common sense.  And I can sleep in because I have a good reason. 

These are all perfectly logical sleeping rules.  And you can't argue with pure logic.  And you certainly can't argue with a Sleeping Beauty... a Sleeping Hubby, on the other hand, is a whole other story.


  1. I can't stop laughing! The balloons nearly made me pee myself. I could just picture it. Not me peeing, ;) your husband going after the balloons. This really made my day.

  2. So glad you liked it! Hubby doesn't like it when I make him sound like a baby... but what *are* husbands if not babies, right? :)