Monday, 11 February 2013

Phase two of growing a tiny human

Remember when I promised to blog my eggo preggo journal?  Well I suppose if I'm going to be a mother I had better learn how to keep my promises.  So this picks up where the last one left off, pasted from my iPhone notepad... 

November 11 
Cliche: tearing up at a credit card commercial. Dude went to visit his uncle in Italy, you guys. I mean, c'mon. 

November 12 
I just spent 2 minutes looking at tampon prices in the toiletries aisle at the grocery store before I figured it out. [This remains one of the major highlights to this whole thing.] 

November 13 
And the weak stomach has started. Just ever so slightly. And now I'm terrified.

November 14 
Ugh. Yep nausea is real. I'm definitely nauseous. Or "nauseated" as Sheldon Cooper would say.   

November 15

November 20
I'm also feeling especially whiny. I expect that will remain for the next 20 years or so. 

November 21 
Pretty sure if Hubby's gonna be a father that he should keep up on his laundry and stop "recycling" his dirty underwear. Maybe. 

November 23 
Pregnancy fatigue. Who would have guessed. Beyond exhausted by the end of the day. But it isn't just physical. It's mental too. So much worrying. So much stress. A some damn legitimate resentment too. Ugh. Tired.

November 24 I
 wanted Hubby to come home so I considered texting him to say I think I'm in labour. Then I realized that was a terrible idea. 

November 28
Wow this pregnancy stuff is some really grown up shit. Big decisions. Luckily, I have Hubby to talk to. And we pretty much always see eye to eye on the big stuff. Best. Hubby. Ever. 

November 29
3am: I WANT TO SLEEP ON MY STOMACH. But I may puke.

November 30

December 1 
Hubby and I can't picture ourselves s parents of real actual children. Babies, yes. Toddlers, sure. But real children? Nope. I mean, children, like, do homework and stuff. That's too hard. Hubby says he'll put our kids up for adoption around age 5. Makes sense.   

December 3 
I find it odd that people had, like, a year and a half's advance notice before our wedding. They could mark their calendars, plan around it, buy us a modest gift... But growing a tiny human? 6 months. That's all they get. And that might be too much.  Any way I can keep this a secret any longer

December 6 
My boobs are bigger and they're getting in the fucking way. MOVE, boobs.    

December 8 
It's like having the threat of the nausea pills prescription in my purse was all I needed. Nausea gone. I WIN.   [In hindsight, this entry grossly under-states the absurdity of constant nausea 24/7 for several weeks on end.] 

December 11 
Holiday lunch at work today. I wanted to cry because everyone was passing around bottles of wine and I couldn't have any. I could even SMELL it. I could have tasted some, I guess, but who wants to torment themselves like that? ! I didn't want a damn sip, I wanted three fucking glasses. I didn't even care red or white. I woulda mixed them together. Pink wine would have been perfect.   

December 12 Just when I thought the nausea had passed I nearly died last night. Well, not exactly, but I basically puked in my mouth at least 20 times. So upsetting.

December 17 
My boss made the mistake of asking me if I wanted anything from the grocery store.  Um, sure, how about a block of cheddar cheese.  And then he had to watch me eat nearly the whole thing, chunk by chunk, just with my hands and a knife.  Classy.   

December 20, 7:30 am 
Hubby and I driving to the hospital for THE ULTRASOUND and blood testing. Did you remember to bring your cup of pee? Yes? Ok good. 

December 20, 8:30 am 
Pardon me?  What's that?  I don't need a pee sample? The whole "full bladder" remark was for the ultrasound? Oh. So what should I do with the cup of pee in my purse then? 

December 20, 9:30 am 
So that wasn't too bad. The baby viewing was pretty cool. But if it meant I could avoid a hospital, I may never do it again... But how did Hubby do?  Oh he was thrilled of course.  Nobody was pushing on *his* naked pelvis.   Me: "Yeah. There's a baby in there. What else is new?" Hubby: "Whoa! There's a BABY in there? 

December 21 
I used to use my period to tell me when to switch to a new set of contacts. I fear my contacts are 3 months old...


  1. I think the no tampons thing is definitely the only benefit... and pregnancy parking.

    1. I haven't done the parking yet! But it's getting close. I'm so out of breath all the time, I can barely stand!

  2. I hate to burst your bubble, but kids start talking back as soon as they can articulate NO, and that's often their very first word. It'll happen before the first birthday.

    I never threw up when I was pregnant, but I remember feeling all the time like I might at any moment. Just slightly nauseated All. The. Damn. Time.

    I kind of enjoyed being pregnant, actually. Trust me, at no other time will you get as much positive attention and goodwill. Take advantage of it while you can.

    1. Oh for sure. I was thinking more of the first real knock-down fight with a growing toddler. You know, when you battle back and forth over something so stupid you could just scream! That's when I'll bring out the "DO YOU *KNOW* WHAT I WENT THROUGH FOR YOU?!" argument. I'll save it for the good one!

  3. Kids do talk back pretty early. The first few times it is cute, but after that it is pretty damn annoying.

  4. The no period thing was AWESOME!! I didn't have my period for just over 11 months after my little guy was born . . . even better!

    I shall not comment on the whole feeling pukey thing because my story is one of nine + months of daily (several times) puking. It sucked ass. Luckily the kids are cute!

  5. Ugh. The nausea. I had that for several weeks, and did puke occasionally. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad. usually I felt better after throwing up (much like when one has a hangover, er, so I've been told). My mom had hypermesis gravidarum (like Kate Middleton, but before it was cool) and had zero sympathy for my whining. Since we were basically the first of our friends to have kids, I had no one to whine to but her!

    1. Yeah the constant nausea was so bad. I did feel better after an up-chuck! I keep saying that too, when people ask. "Where you sick?" "Well, not Kate sick, but I did feel like shit pretty constantly for weeks on end."

  6. Oh my gosh, I used to to the contact / period thing, too!