Thursday, 8 July 2010

Is it chilly in here?


No it is not chilly

It's freaking hot. 

Does it have to be so freaking HOT?

I mean, I love summer.  And I love heat.  But this is a bit much.  35 degrees – 45 with the humidex.  10 degrees of humid?  Is that even possible?  Really?  Honest and for true?

When you can’t walk 5 minutes, at 9am, without wanting to faint, it’s too hot.  When you are surveying the landscape for any patch of shade between you and your destination that will provide a few steps of minor freedom, it’s too damn hot.  And when you are panting like a dog, gasping for a fresh breath as you sluggishly pull yourself forward, it is too effing hot.

And I can take it.  Work is air conditioned.  Home is air conditioned.  Even the bus is air conditioned (for the most part, if some idiot doesn’t open the windows).  Imagine people who actually have to expose themselves to the outdoors.  I can’t.  I can’t imagine it.  It’s too traumatic.

I heard on the news this morning that even the reported temperature can be a low-ball.  The thermometers at airport weather stations are usually in the shade, which means it’s actually as much as 5 degrees hotter than we think.  That’s just awesome.  Great news.

There has to be something we can do.  Some way of cooling ourselves.  Like elephants who fan their bodies with their giant ears.  

We should grow giant ears.  

They could wrap around us when it’s cold, and fan us when it’s hot.  They could protect us from the wind, and provide shade from the scorching sun.  

It seems like giant ears could be the solution to most of my problems (including money woes, because if I had giant ears I could go on the road with a rodeo or a freak show).

It’s settled then.  Giant ears are my next goal in life.  University degree – check.  Good career – check.  Wonderful husband – check. Giant ears – pending.

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