Sunday, 27 November 2011

My Holiday Spirit flew the coop

I seem to have lost my Holiday Spirit.  My Holiday Spirit got a taste of my Crazy and got the hell outta here for fear it was contagious.  Turns out it is. 

Most years as it gets cold, as the snow starts to fall, as the decorations start to appear, my Holiday Spirit gets stronger and stronger.  It gets excited about digging out the garland and lights.  It starts to make mental shopping lists.  It looks forward to wearing a Santa hat and a blinking Rudolph nose. 

Not this year. 

This year my Holiday Spirit is watching Christmas commercials, watching Americans get into the post-turkey Black Friday frenzy, watching the lights go up around the neighbourhood.  Watching.  From the outside, looking in. 

Last Christmas I decided it was too much to travel to Hometown.  The thought of packing up the gifts and rushing around on the tour of relatives' houses threatened a level of frustration equivalent to watching 48 hours of The View. 

So I hosted dinner for 20 people instead. 

Yeah, I know.  But I wanted to try something different.  I wanted to have the best of both worlds - our family and our own house.  It worked out well, I thought.   I loved not having to load up the car and drive through the snow.  I loved lighting a fire and opening gifts and bottle of wine under our tree.  Our third Christmas in our own home, and yet only the first Christmas in our own home. 

But when it it was all over, I was so tired.  I decided I needed a few weekends to recover.  A few weekends soon turned into all of January.  My birthday in February was the only weekend I really left the house.  When Spring came and I couldn't get out of bed, it all went to shit from there. 

But over the last year I've worked really fucking hard to pull myself out of that miserable hole. 

And now? Now the thought of Christmas is exhausting.  The energy it takes to shop, and wrap, and decorate, and pack, and drive, and visit, and unwrap, and eat, and smile, and laugh is just a too much for my formally lively Holiday Spirit to bear. 

I'm just now getting back on track.  I'm just now finding a way to get up every day, and to go easier on myself, and to create a new routine - a new way of thinking.  I've been systematically identifying and trying to eliminate the Crazy.  Christmas just throws a wrench into that whole plan. 

So the new plan is to not make plans.  I'm going to take one week at a time and see if my Holiday Spirit finds me.  'Cause there's no way in hell I'll venture out into the cold hunting for it. If it wants to emerge from the shadows and face reality, FINE.

If not, I'll just skip Christmas altogether and look forward to my beach resort vacation in January. 

Because, as it turns out, my Vacation Spirit is entirely unaffected by my Crazy.  In fact, I think it was spawned from it. 

9 comments:

  1. We need to smack your Holiday Spirit around. It's still early enough to get it back in line.

    Also, when in February is your birthday? Perhaps we are twins.

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  2. I'm with you and Ms. Sarcastic. There are three of us now.

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  3. I like that, taking it one day at a time...I think I'll try that because it really is tiring. Really tiring.

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  4. Hosting holidays can be absolutely exhausting. But I still hope some Christmas spirit finds its way to you soon.

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  5. When you find some of the spirit, send it my way k?

    Seriously, I feel the same way as you. I can't fathom the kajillion events we have to go to, and they start this weekend.

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  6. My spirit is a bit slow in coming this year as well. Maybe it's an Aquarius thing; I'm February 14th. You?

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  7. jacqui - Meh, my Holiday Spirit can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. 22nd!

    middle child - Ms Sarcastic? I know a few of those...

    Lin - It so is. Just a little at a time, and don't think you HAVE to do anything. You only have to do what you want to do. I'm going to Occupy Christmas this year. It aint gonna occupy me!

    Ang - Yeah, well, I can do without it. For this year at least.

    Carm - You don't "have" to. Just do what you want. Nothing else matters in the long run.

    Highlyirritable - 22nd! Pisces.

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  8. The year I miscarried on Dec. 1 I had no holiday spirit. I put up the tree and put lights on it but that was all I could muster. I dragged myself to the family stuff but wished I hadn't. I think that it is okay to take the holidays off, basically to take a holiday from the holidays.

    I am so with you on the vacation spirit! It really is unaffected by the Crazy . . . well the Crazy may show up while travelling to the vacation but not during the vacation.

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  9. Fox - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. And I'm sorry you had to drag yourself around. that's what I'm trying to avoid this year. I'm trying only to do things I actually want to do. Nothing else is that important. Vacation though? I am TOTALLY up for that. :)

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