I fucked up Halloween

I totally screwed up this year. 

Despite the fact that I adore Halloween (eating and decorations without the long-term commitment and family obligations associated with other holidays that shall remain nameless), I really couldn't get on track this year.

Normally, I'm an awesome hallowennie.  I hang pumpkin lights and plastic ghosts and spider webs. 

Not to mention I'm a wicked dresser-upper. 

Last year I was a garden gnome.  (A cute one, because garden gnomes are generally terrifying.) 

The previous year I was Dorothy.  (With the homemade red shoes and everything.)

Before that I was Maryanne from Gilligan's Island.  (I could never pull off Ginger.  In hindsight, I think Gilligan himself might have been a better choice.) 

One year I was a zombie bride.  (Which was great because that was the year before my wedding. Not to mention it was before the whole zombie Apocalypse craze, making me very progressive and intuitive. )

But this year?  This year I had a great costume in mind, and I was really looking forward to it.  So were all my colleagues.  But I couldn't get on track. 

First, I had THE BEST VISITOR EVER this past weekend.  Ms Sarcasm came all the way up to Canada to see little ol' me.  She braved a delayed flight, a surprise angel-like co-passenger, good looking customs officers, a Beavertail, a giant gooey poutine, and cold rainy October days - all just to hang out with ME.  We didn't throw a raucous party or anything, but it was so nice just to have my friend hanging out in my house.

However, this meant that I didn't really prioritize my costume making and decorating.  Although I could have finished things up on my Monday vacation day (the best kind of Monday), I just ended up crying and then I didn't feel all that festive (a story for another day). 

Then, last night I was buying candy and I found all the required props for my costume.  Enter: costume guilt.  Did you know costumes cost a lot of money?  A pretty penny that I simply wasn't willing to spend. 

So I bailed.  I bailed on my favourite holiday. 

And then today, work was a fucking asshole and I just ended up crying anyway.  IN FRONT OF MY COLLEAGUES.  Which was excellent.  

Also, everyone kept asking "where's your costume?!" and I had to tell them that I was dressed as a lazy, depressed bum.  In business attire. 

What a fucking pathetic mess. 

Next year I need to get my shit together. 

Anyone want to dress up tomorrow instead?

Texting with Momma is a full time job

Have you heard of the twitter account Texts from last night?

These are texts that people send to their friends, usually while drunk, and then later realize how absurd they were in the clarity of the morning. 

The texts then get tweeted, starting with the area code of the text. 

These tweets are HILARIOUS you guys.

Observe:

 

 

 

 

 

 

See?  Hilarious. 

 

Well, tonight Hubby and I were shopping at Walmart when I got what I can only assume was a drunken "text from last night" from my mother. 

 

Only, it was tonight, not last night.  And she doesn't drink. 

 

Voila:

 



 

 

 

Yes, perhaps we should.