When in doubt, SHOW BOOB.

Four things made me smile today.  I have enumerated them here for your interest. 

ONE. 

Miss Sarcasm and I decided that if that Santorum ass bucket were to win the election, she would move up here to be my neighboUr.  On the other hand, if Obama wins, I will be moving down there.  But then we decided that she and I would just combine and rule the two nations ourselves.  The Stefanna Cheesedom of Canmerica.  With a national dish of poutine and Beyonce (chicken, not singer) on our coins.  And an "anti douche, anti idiot" statement in our citizenship pledge. 



Knock knock, motherfucker

TWO.

Hubby called me at work to report a suspicious vehicle on our street.  It was sitting parked with the engine running for several hours.  When an equally suspicious van approached, Hubby became particularly concerned.  And so, naturally, he called to ask me if alerting the police was overkill.  Because he's reasonable like that.  As much as I wanted to avoid a repeat of last time, I do hate weirdos.  "Hell, call the cops! Weirdos!"  Although it turned out to be nothing, I'm glad Hubby is monitoring the neighbourhood. 


THREE.

Miss Sarcasm told me to "show boob." Wait, what?  Ok, I have to do a presentation for a bunch of tenth graders tomorrow.  I'm supposed to talk about my boring career.  BORING. Unleeesssss I show boob.  Boob showing is always the highlight of any presentation.  Fact.   


FOUR.

Hubby texted me to ask if I wanted chicken alfredo for dinner.  This was good for two reasons:  first, I was hungry and had no intention of making any food; and, second, I was upstairs in the bedroom.  In other words, he offered to make me dinner, AND my kickass iPhone made it possible for me to accept said offer instantaneously.  WIN/WIN.  As an additional bonus, this was the best text conversation we've had in a while...

I invaded Hubby's shower. Sorry?

Yesterday when Hubby and I woke up, we were pretty confident the house was going to get picked up and crash down in some far away land over the rainbow.  Except there was no effing rainbow out there, I can assure you of at least that much.  There was, however, WIND. 

SO.  MUCH.  WIND. 

A cold and nasty bitch was blowing at about 95 kilometres per hour. (Nearly 60, for my crazy American friends.) 

And thanks to the terrible recent news coming out of Indiana, as well as certain technicolour movies, I was terrified.  I couldn't stop imagining some giant tree smashing through my bedroom window, or the roof getting ripped off, or a pack of crazy flying monkeys coming to attack me. 

Basically, I was a tad jumpy. 

I'm sure you can imagine how much worse matters got when the apocalypse came.  Or the power went out.  Whichever. 

Me:  No! The power went out!
Hubby:  Uh huh. 
Me:  We should have showers! The hot water tank is going to fail us momentarily!
Hubby:  It's gas.  It'll be fine. 
Me:  Oh. 

It was around this time that I got distracted by the fact that my kickass iPhone was running low on battery power.  While I was busy considering driving around the block to charge my phone in the car, Hubby had started the shower and was searching the house for a flashlight. 

Me:  At least turn off the water! You're wasting it!
Hubby:  Honey.  There will be plenty of hot water.  I need a flashlight. 
Me:  Fine.  Hurry up though, dummy. 

And then it happened. 

Hubby, yelling from the shower:  Did you flush the toilet?!
Me:  No, why?
Hubby:  Uh... I think the hot water is running out!
Me:  Are you kidding?!
Hubby:  Um, no!

God dammit.  He KNOWS how a Wifey without a hot shower (twice a day, at least) is a very unhappy Wifey.  He KNOWS Wifey will be pissed if Wifey can't wash her hair.  He KNOWS that if there's no hot water after he said there would be, Wifey's gonna lose her SHIT. 

He also knows Wifey is certifiably nuts. 

Which is why I guess Hubby wasn't particularly surprised when a panicked and crazy Wifey ran into his bathroom, dropped her pjs, and jumped into his luke warm shower. 

Yeah. 

It turned out that the hot water was fine, and by the time we got dried and dressed, the power was back on.  Also, interestingly, and thankfully, our house didn't actually blow away. 

Huh.  So... my fear wasn't entirely rational, then?  WEIRD.