Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Days 7, 8, and 9 - Three birds stoned at once

At some point in the very distant past, I started partaking in something called a 30 day blog challenge.  Well, actually, I took the liberty of renaming it the 100 day blog challenge

But something tells me it's been more than 100 days.  When was September?

In any case, I've only done six entries. 

Yeah.  I'm a role model.  Whatever. 

Anyway, I decided randomly to go back to it.  In fact, I'm going to get three birds stoned at once here, and wrap up days 7, 8, and 9 all in one go.  Yay me.  You should be inspired.  I'm a big time over-achiever, yo. 

So.  Day 7.  A hobby you have. 

Umm, let me think, maybe... BLOGGING? 

Well, at least I used to do some blogging, if you exclude the last 10 or so days in which I've not blogged even once. 

Although I love blogging, sometimes there just isn't inspiration.  Other times there may be inspiration, but no time.   And lately there's been a lack of both those components.  (The truth is, if I'd had inspiration, I would have made time.  I'm selfish like that.) 

Alright. On to Day 8.  A picture of someone or something that has the biggest impact on you. 

Ok, so you're all waiting for me to show a picture of Hubby.  So here. 



Of course Hubby is the light of my life, my hero, the wind beneath my wings.  But I wanted to think beyond the obvious.  Get creative and whatnot.  

So I started thinking about what's had the greatest impact on me lately, and this is what I came up with. 



Miss Sarcasm is the cutest most wonderful friend ever, internet or otherwise, and she decided last night that she's going to come. visit. me. this. fall. 

And then I nearly died. 

And then Carm said she'd come too and then I basically fainted.

This brings us to the third stoned bird.  Day 9.  Short term goals for the month and why. 

Blog more.  Because it's fun.  (This relates to the Day 7 entry.  Clearly.) 

I'd also like to make fun summer plans.  I'd like to go to Chicago as part of a blogger beer and cheese fest.  WITH MISS SARCASM.  (Note Day 8.)  And then I'd like to return to the death coffin water slide.  And maybe do some island living.  Aaaaaanddd... hmmm... other fun stuff.  Whatever.  Nothing is off the table. 

Finally, I'd like to get off my ass.  My ass is a lot bigger these days (Depression will do that to a person) so I'd like to ride my bike.  Throw a frisbee.  Get back to yoga and maybe even kickboxing.

Basically, I'd like to stop feeling like shit about myself. 

So this post is the first step (or first three steps, I guess) in doing that. 

Saturday, 19 May 2012

I'm a risk-averse cat mom.

Y'all know I love my cats. 

But did you know that I love them so much that I would never ever in a million years let them outside

It's scary out there! There are threats around every corner.  Poisonous plants, and pesky fleas, and SKUNKS.  And we all know how I feel about skunks. 

Way to risky.  Especially for a particularly risk-averse cat Mom.  Not to mention once they get out, there's no stopping them.  They'll want out all the time.  There's no going back. 

Hubby, on the other hand, has been bothering me for years - YEARS - to just let the damn kittens out already.  Just in the yard.  They'll be fine, he says.  We'll monitor them.  They'll keep us company.  They'll love it.  Look, they want out so badly! Ahhh, poor kitties.  Yadda yadda. 

Well, last weekend, after years of resistance, I gave in.  Just for Patches.  Patches is seasoned.  She is trustworthy.  She's calm, reasonable, and entirely disinterested in anything but grass and shade. 

Tuxedo, by contrast, is neurotic and as stupid as sin. 

So, after all my concern, I guess I'm glad I finally allowed this.  Not only was Patches over the moon with pleasure... she was the cutest. friggin. thing. EVER. in the history of the world. 
 


And yes, she paces and cries to go outside now.  But whatever.  I can live with that.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Leave my vagina alone, please.

What a wonderful day I had today.  I bet you'd all like to hear about it. 

I had a lovely appointment with my doctor this morning that I wasn't at all late for.  It was such a pleasant appointment, too.  Which of course did not include a pap smear with a plastic thing shoved up my hoo-haw.  And the doctor didn't even forget to do some other random uterus swab, and I didn't therefore have to lay BACK DOWN for her to finish her important work inside my va-jay-jay. 

Then I didn't have to spend 30 dollars on a birthday cake for a colleague. 

THEN I totally didn't have an afternoon full of annoying meetings at work.  All my non-meetings were particularly productive and especially hilarious.  I came away feeling extremely useful and like a valuable member of my organization. 

Also, the hem on my pants stayed intact all day long.  I was totally not walking around all afternoon carrying my pant leg in my left hand.  Because that would've been a real pain. Had that happened.  Which it didn't. 

After all that, I didn't have to rush to an appointment with my therapist.  I drove there smoothly, without coming across even one obnoxious protest-related traffic jam.  I was perfectly on time for my appointment - early even - and I got the opportunity to talk to my therapist for the following hour about how sane and rational I am at all times.  It's embarrassing, actually, what great shape I'm in.  I love getting up to face the day.  (It's also embarrassing that I can totally afford the 160 bucks it cost for my therapist to tell me about my mental stability.) 

To top off my near-perfect day, I in no way witnessed an automobile accident in which a cab driver's car spun in multiple circles across 5 lanes of traffic directly behind me.  Any day that you don't have to call 911 is a good day!  Lucky, too, because that type of traumatic event could cause a sane person (such as myself) to react calmly and rationally - with regular breathing patterns, a slow heartbeat, and very dry eyes. 

I think the best part of today was my evening of peace and quiet

Not once did I have to re-live a terrifying experience over the phone to a cop who is investigating a car crash.

Not once did I have to consider calling in sick tomorrow. 

Not once did I regret leaving the house in the fucking first place this morning. 

My life is soooo relaxing.  Ahhhhh...

*gentle exhale*


Sunday, 6 May 2012

Fill in the blanks - with CUPCAKES

I've decided I like this little "Fill in the Blank Friday" game, as it allows me to successfully dump a bunch of random thoughts on the page all at once.  My favourite pastime.  Regardless of what day it is. 

Here goes. 

1. My bedtime routine includes... random cleaning.  I'm a weird "go to bed" person.  I always end up tidying like an obsessive freak right before bed.  I'm also addicted to my kickass iPhone - Hubby and I can't seem to put them down.  Even when we get into bed.  A bad habit that should be broken, I'm sure. 

2. I am... feeling worn out.  Last week was a particularly busy one and I seem to have overdone it.  My brain got tired, so it became even harder than usual to motivate myself.  I'm trying, but geez it's tough. 

3. I can't stand.. Hubby's incessant TAPPING.  He's sitting next to me tap tap tapping his fingers on any solid surface he can find.  It's driving me up the goddam wall, even worse than the constant whistling. 

4. My idea of relaxation would be... laying in my backyard in the sun with a book that I may or may not read.  Which is what I did this afternoon and I truly enjoyed it.  It's my happy place. 

5. If I had an extra $50, I would... ask for more, because 50 bucks doesn't buy shit. 

6. The best thing about a bloggy friend is that... she knows you better than many of your real life friends.  She reads your words, she relates, and she shares your general outlook on life.  The best bloggy friends text you, and FaceTime you, and meet up with you when you visit their town.  And they even plan CRAZY PIZZA AND BEER FESTS IN CHICAGO with you.  Some of the best friends I have are bloggy friends.  Seriously.

7. A recipe I've been dying to try is... something somebody else made.  Because I hate cooking.  Right now I would love to eat at least 15 of Miss Sarcasm's OREO CUPCAKES. 

Because, as a good friend does, she sent me picture just to taunt me.  Asshole.   


If you like this fun little game too, link up over at The Little Things We Do

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Going commando

I did a bit of shopping the other night ("just browsing on the way home") and I'm quite pleased with my purchases: an adorable work-appropriate dress; an old-lady sweater; pants that are actually short enough without alteration; and, several new pairs of underwear. 

I love new underwear. 

I always go digging through my underwear drawer (which is stocked full, by the way) for the newest most comfortable pair.  And then whenever I get new undies, I can finally ditch some older less favourable ones. 

Which got me to thinking. 

Why must we have a hierarchy of undies

There's always a set of favs, followed by some special occasions, followed by some uncomfortable but practical, followed by period/sleeping underwear, followed by sexy but useless. 

I think we need an #OccupyUndies movement.  Forget the 1%.  

Now.  I also think, in an ideal (first) world, we'd all have only the "favs" category - nothing else.  I'm a youthful, successful, independent woman.  Why should I ever have to settle for less than the perfect underwear?

However.  Say I were to go out and replace my whole undie wardrobe with an entirely new set of favs...  Then they'd all decay at the same pace and I'd end up with an entire wardrobe of gross old underwear all at the same time. 

Plus, I'd never be able to make an informed choice based on the purpose of my undies for that particular day.  There'd be no option.  No decision-making process. 

I'd basically be a communist. 

Plus, we all know I'd eventually start unconsciously designating certain underwear for certain purposes (period vs sex, for example).  I'd inevitably end up with various categories anyway. 

It all seems unavoidable. 

Unless I stop wearing underwear altogether.  Like Carm.  Seems like I have a lot to learn from her.